Machell Lyons, Author at uglycars.com

Any vehicle can be an off-road vehicle if you’re willing to gamble…

By Machell Lyons | March 22, 2024

multiple people in front of a durango on a trailer at the gambler 500

Imagine if Woodsy Owl and Howdy Raccoon decided to take nature conservation matters into their own hands on the trails in a clapped-out, lifted (or not) Honda Civic and you’d be pretty close to what Tate Morgan and like-minded folks started in 2014 in the backcountry of somewheresville, Oregon with the Gambler 500. In the…

Dock this pirate ship at your favorite walmart
Sick of paying rent but want to avoid homelessness? Consider surfing local Walmart parking lots and cracker barrels in your own over-the-road pirate ship project motorhome. This Winnebago does start…
Relive your childhood. Buy this car with styling inspired by the Little Tykes Cozy Coupe & Barney the Dinosaur.
When buying a car, Do you put ridiculous styling and a low price before all other considerations? With styling, performance, and ergonomics inspired by a child’s driveway toy, most folks…
Is your pull out game as weak as your impulse control? You need this big-ass van for all those kids.
Do you feel religiously exempt from birth control? Are you a homeschool family with 13 kids? Perhaps you collect baby mommas or daddies proportional to your body count? This van…
Are you good at fixing lawnmowers, like meeting cops and have a buddy with a tow truck?
You are gonna love this Integra. This thing checks off all the boxes for any serious Honda street racer. Faded spray paint job. Wing you big enough to create lift.…
Ready to challenge the Boss Karen in your neighborhood? You NEED this “antique” service van
Escalate the battle with your local HOA in a way only a junky old service van can. It’s under the 10k mark so in most localities it’s not considered a…
It’s tax time. Somebody’s baby momma is about to buy them this car.
Do you buy your baby daddy a car at tax time each year? Why spend your hard-earned tax return on another piece of crap car & a set of rims…
Are you into burnouts, picking up dudes, and plowing thru crowds of spectators?
Boy, are we about to make your day. This mustang has it all. It’s a V6 with dual exhaust and a 5 Speed. Perfect for the “my V6 is as…
More miles on it than your mom & can handle 15 dudes at once. 2009 Ford Passenger Van
The front end is a little loose, the intake & rear both leak a little, and getting her started takes a special trick with the shifter. There is also a…
Kill Cones and put trash cans into low orbit with this beast old truck.
Have you ever dreamed of a cone-kill trashcan terminating porta-potty plowing escapade in an old truck? We have the truck you need right here. There are enough inspection-failing items to…
You are gonna die anyway, it may as well be fun.
If you like to face life’s challenges by repeatedly cheating death I have the project car you have been looking for. 1977 MGB does start run and move but this…